What sort of Mother are you going to be?


“What sort of mother are you going to be?”
Written by Katrina Voysey local, experienced Psychotherapist and Couples Counsellor

It sounds strange now, but before I became a mother, it had not occurred to me that there was more than one way to be a mother. And I wasn’t expecting so many decisions – times when I’d ask myself “what do I do now?”

Its tempting, when faced with so much uncertainty to look for certainty – whether that’s the opinion of another person or an expert in a book or on a website. However if you can ride out the anxiety of not knowing, then ultimately the path of becoming a mother will be easier and more fulfilling.

Gradually you will start to notice patterns in how your baby responds to you and the wider world. Maybe your baby is easily startled, or hates baths, or seems to have no regularity to her sleep and feeding times or maybe your baby seems to enjoy more carrying and is regular in his sleep and feeding.

If you can try and read your particular baby rather than any particular book about babies, you will soon discover who your unique baby is and how better to care for him or her. Of course you will make mistakes, but that’s human and your baby only needs you to be good enough, not perfect.

Ultimately a deeper relationship of trust and knowing develops between you and your child. A strong relationship that will last beyond babyhood. Which is helpful as children never grow out of their capacity to surprise and worry their parents!

A very approachable book if you want to read more about how mothers come to know and respond to their babies is “What Mothers Do – especially when it looks like nothing” by Naomi Stadlen. It may satisfy any mother of a young baby who asks themselves “what do I do all day?” However if a stranger asks you, as a mother, what you do, the best summing up that I’ve come across is “I teach modern civilisation.”

When you think about how many different ways we can live our lives and intimate relationships, it would be pretty extraordinary if there were only one way to be a mother. If despite the frustrations and limitations, you can find the courage to trust your instincts, to experiment and to find the path that suits you and your child, then your experience will be much richer.

It is a great gift to give any child, to see and accept them as they are and to want to love and care for them in a way that meets their needs. The resources that you develop or call on to do that and the love your child returns can make that initial anxiety worthwhile.

Katrina Voysey is a local, experienced Psychotherapist and Couples Counsellor, registered with BACP. Clients with pre-crawling babies can (if they want) bring them into the parent’s therapy sessions.

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Share your views on East Surrey Hospital High risk unit – – Surrey and Sussex Healthcare Trust

The low risk birthing unit was opened earlier this year by Surrey and Sussex Healthcare Trust following a bid for funding supported by local women. We now want to ask the Trust to find the funding for similar improvements to the High Risk Consultant Led unit. The feedback to the Maternity Services Liaison Committee (MSLC) has been that women would like a more relaxing and homely environment, improvements to the ensuite bathrooms, similar decoration including wall murals and low level lighting. We have also found that women who are not classed as Low Risk but who want to use the birthing pool have concerns that there is only one birthing pool for high risk women and we would like to see another one. In order for the funding to be obtained we need to demonstrate that this is what women want. Could you please send out this email and link to this survey to as many women as possible who have had or are having babies locally to find out their views. We want to progress this quickly so only have a window of about a week to obtain these views.

Link to survey :_
https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/deliverysuiteenvironment

Please would you pass this email on to all your relevant contacts, share on Twitter and Facebook and ask that it is cascaded on to their friends and contacts as quickly as possible

Many thanks
Anne Fawcett
Lay Chair – Maternity Services Liaison Committee – Surrey and Sussex Healthcare Trust

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How to hold a Grief Ceremony – Dedicated to all those we have loved and lost

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Someone very much loved, in my life passed away…

. It was a sudden, and totally unexpected shock. It has been such a hard time, and holding a grief ceremony has helped with the grieving. Knowing and believing parts of people who touch our lives, always live on through, and with us. It is a wonderful blessing to have had such people in our lives. ..

But as the Poet Ferdowski says, in his book of Kings..

” We’ve reached the end of this great history,

And all the land will fill with talk of me.

I shall not die, these seeds I’ve sown will save

My name and reputation from the grave,

And men of sense and wisdom will proclaim,

When I have gone my praises and my name.”



Why hold a grief ceremony…

When people we love pass… it’s essential to allow time to grieve…
Whatever one’s belief about what happens to the human individual
After living… there has been a sudden change in our emotional
Landscape . . This can require some … profound Acknowledgment and adjustment. …

* WHY HOLD A GREIF CEREMONY * ….

A Grief Ceremony can help us process,….. and mourn a loss.
By creating a ritual to say goodbye….. allows us ….to acknowledge the loss
and emotionally release….. The most powerful ceremonies will always be
the ones we create …….because they will be more meaningful to us.

• HOW TO HOLD A GRIEF CEREMONY * …

The ceremony can be alone or with or a close friend or family.

Following suggestions can assist you in creating a simple yet Meaningful ritual way for saying goodbye.

* Gathering any objects that remind us of then. These can be items such or photos, cards from, gifts, a symbolic object , or a balloon.

*Write a letter to your loved one. In the letter you may write about what their life meant to you, how you feel about the loss, why you are
doing this ceremony and saying goodbye. Or you may prefer to find a
poem or a story, which you would like to read at the ceremony.

* Find a special place to do your ceremony. You may choose to do it in
your garden, at home, near a river, or by the sea.

-Prepare the space. You could decorate it, light candles, place
flowers, and create a comfortable place to sit.
*Take some time to sit in silence, to relax and focus your intention.
* When you are ready to read the letter, poem or story out loud. or say a special prayer
Say any words, which are meaningful for you.

* Allow as much time as you need to say goodbye.

* Find a symbolic ritual to say goodbye. You may want to release a
Balloon, or bury the item or letter or other.

* Find a symbolic ritual to give thanks. You may like to plant a flower or
Sprinkle some seeds.

This is an opportunity for you to give thanks and acknowledge the
Value and meaning your loved one brought to your life.

– Close the ceremony. –

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Fertile Body Method in Reigate. .. What is The Fertile Body Method?

The Fertile Body Method is a mind body approach to fertility which acknowledges the importance of working with fertility problems in a holistic way.

Hypnosis is potentially a very powerful and effective therapeutic tool and is used in many of the techniques and approaches suggested in the Fertile Body Method.

Hypnosis is a trance state induced through focusing attention on any current internal or external sensory experience; hypnotherapy is the art of utilising this state of absorption to facilitate inner change, which can positively impact on physical wellbeing and fertility.

How does it work?

Viewing health as more than a physical issue is certainly not a new concept. We know that health is experienced as mental, emotional, spiritual and physical wellbeing. Many cultures throughout the world use a medical model that fully acknowledges the inter-connectedness between these different aspects of our being.

Mind-body medicine is an approach to health that recognises the effect that our mind has on our body, and vice versa. This model views the various aspects of ourselves and the different systems of our body, as a part of the greater whole. This holistic approach acknowledges the effect that one part, or one system, will have on another. It views the human being as a dynamic living ecosystem that strives to maintain all parts in balance, working harmoniously together.

Depression Affects Fertility

Viewing health as more than a physical issue is certainly not a new concept. We know that health is experienced as mental, emotional, spiritual and physical wellbeing. Many cultures throughout the world use a medical model that fully acknowledges the inter-connectedness between these different aspects of our being.

Mind-body medicine is an approach to health that recognises the effect that our mind has on our body, and vice versa. This model views the various aspects of ourselves and the different systems of our body, as a part of the greater whole. This holistic approach acknowledges the effect that one part, or one system, will have on another. It views the human being as a dynamic living ecosystem that strives to maintain all parts in balance, working harmoniously together.

Stress Affects Fertility

In a tribe under threat from another tribe or marauding wild animals, the females would fail to ovulate during this time, similarly if there were a feminine that too would be a bad time to bring a child into the world. – Peter Bowen-Simpkins, M.D Clinical Director, Cromwell IVF Fertility Centre. Introduction: Shape UK March 2001

Beliefs Affect Biology

A Recent study at Harvard Medical School measured what happened when women who were having difficulty conceiving were given group CBT. They were taught how to identify recurrent negative thought patterns and how to separate truth from fear. 55% of the women who participated had a baby. Compared to 20% who received no treatment. (Nicholas, M. ‘3 Steps to Fertility’ pp 113)
Ambivalence About Parenthood

One study showed that in woman without any anatomical reason for infertility, the majority showed severe psychological conflict regarding the wish for parenthood. (Therese Benedek eet al. ‘Some emotional factors in Infertility’ Psychosomatic Medicine Vol 15, no 5. (1953) pp 485-98. Jeker et al ‘Wish for a child and infertility’ International Journal of Fertility, vol 33, no. 6, (1988) pp 411-20)
Hypnosis And IVF

The use of hypnosis during embryo transfer doubles the IVF/ET outcome in terms of increased implantation and clinical pregnancy rates. Furthermore it seems the patients attitude to treatment was more favourable. (‘Impact of hypnosis during embryo transer on the outcome of in vitro fertilization-embryo transfer: a case-control study.’ Fertility and Sterility Journal. May 2006; 8 (5):14040-8)
PMS linked To Decreased Autonomic Nervous System Activity

January 4, 2008 – New research shows that women with premenstrual syndrome (PMS) have significantly decreased autonomic nervous system (ANS) activity and that those with the most severe symptoms might have permanent depression of this key regulatory system.
Research

Stress reduces conception probabilities across the fertile window: evidence in support of relaxation

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New – Reigate Relaxation classes for Mums, Dads and pregnant couples

New Relaxation hour – For Surrey & Sussex Mums, Dads and Bumps

Why not Join us this Friday ?

Unwind from a busy week, prepare for the weekend with a series of 3 fortnightly relaxation sessions.

Our mission is to assist mums, dads and bumps feel relaxed and enjoy the journey to birth and beyond. Becoming a parent can place a great amount of responsibility and work on mums and dads, we become the world to our little ones. Therefore a relaxation is highly beneficial.

Attain and maintain a fortnightly relaxation practice. If you are a hypnobirthing mum or dad, or you would like to experience and benefit from a relaxation session, this course is for you. We teach deep relaxation skills and include a deep relaxation session. Relaxation can help stop worry and rumination, reduce and help with low mood of feeling depressed [1]

Dates

Fri 8th November 19:45 – 20:45
Fri 22nd November 19:45 – 20:45
Fri 6th December 19:45 – 20:45

Location

Subud Hall
Allingham Road
Reigate
Surrey
RH2 8HX

What others have said …

” Thank you so much Leila, I feel relaxed, positive and revitalised! Strongly recommend this session to any mums feeling a bit warn down. Let me know when you are planning the next one and hope to see you at the coffee morning. ”
Lucy from Coulsdon, Surrey
” I just wanted to thank you so much for the relaxation session yesterday. I definitely felt serene and well balanced afterwards.”
Lauren from Reigate, Surrey

To book your place Email [email protected] for more information go here.

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Don’t forget your photos!

Hello! My name is Fergus, and I am a hypnobirthing dad-to-be with a beautiful wife Sian, who is now at 37 weeks.

If you’re anything like us, you can’t wait to finally meet your baby. Sian and I are coming into the final weeks of the pregnancy, everything is (nearly!) ready, and it’s now really just a waiting game until baby decides to join us.

It is crazy exciting.

Sian at 24 weeks

Sian at 24 weeks

And it’s not only exciting for us, it’s exciting for our parents, our friends, our relatives and apparently everyone we bump into in Mothercare.

The best way to introduce all those people to your new bundle of joy (once they decide to arrive!) is with a short video or some amazing images. Yes, you can use your iPhone and get some pretty good snaps, you can use your digital SLR and get some great results, but like everything, there is a lot to be said about getting a professional in. For one, it means that the whole family can be in the picture. Secondly, it means that it’s one less job you have to do during the madness of early parenthood. And on top of that, it’s not as expensive as you may think.

To help celebrate our hypnobirthing buddies` new arrivals, I have created a special photo shoot offer; when you book a new baby photo session and quote ‘Leila’, the hour session will include 25 free greetings cards featuring your favourite image, allowing you to introduce your new bundle of joy to family and friends around the world. The session costs just £60, and all other images are available to buy too. Prices are available on my website www.fergusford.com, and there really is no obligation to buy.

For best results I suggest we do the shoot in your home, where you and baby are comfortable, relaxed and familiar. It is also advisable to get the photos done as early as possible (ideally within the first 14 days), as after this little ones tend to get a bit more restless and active…which isn’t always an ideal recipe for photos!

Your images will be ready for you to see within three days of the shoot, and like I said before – there is no obligation to buy, so you really have nothing to lose! There is the option to order the disc of all the photographs or individual images if you would like, as well as framed prints, canvasses and photobooks.

I wish you all the best with your new arrivals, and hope to see you all at a coffee morning soon! ☺

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Osteopathy in Reigate, and how it can help with both mother and child

Osteopathy and how it can help with both mother and child

Osteopaths are highly skilled health care professionals who have had a minimum of 4years medical training and have had 1000 hours of clinic experience before turning professional.
Pregnancy is a natural part of life but can cause several aches and pains, some so severe that the mother-to-be can end up having to be wheeled around in a wheel chair or at least use crutches. This thankfully is not common but a good percentage of pregnancies will show up a milder form of these problems; as one example: Synthesis pubis dysfunction.
Synthesis pubis dysfunction (SPD) can occur in anyone but is more common in pregnant ladies, due to the hormone Relaxin causing the ligaments to “relax” and therefore lengthen; this in turn allows bones of the pelvis to separate slightly which facilitates the passage for the baby’s head during labour.
With the two pubic bones separating and making the synthesis pubis less stable, any extra tension going through either side of the body will have an effect on the loosened joint and will cause the affected side of the joint to shift slightly resulting in a misalignment of the two opposed pubic bones. This further stretching of the ligaments will cause irritation to their attachments of the synthesis pubis and therefore initiate pain.
Untreated SPD tends to reoccur with subsequent pregnancies.

An osteopath can help the patient by discovering what is causing the issue e.g. one leg longer than the other, rotated pelvis, scoliosis or lesion of the spine leading to the weight of the bump to drop forwards putting pressure against the pubic bones, a rotated sacrum which had led to previous forceps delivery, sacro-iliac joint dysfunction etc.
He would then try to address the predisposing factors and the maintaining factors using gentle manipulations, articulations, massage and a special tape called kinesiology tape (which you would have seen on athletes at the London Olympics); he may also use acupuncture if it is deemed safe, as well as various other types of treatment including cranio-sacral treatment.
Cranio-sacral or cranial treatment is a gentler technique which the patient may prefer and has seen to be especially effective with babies and young children. With this treatment the practitioner uses the faintest of touches to feel for the movement of different structures (especially the cerebrospinal fluid) from the cranium (Skull) to the sacrum (second to last group of fused bones in the spine) and assess whether there are any restrictions causing a lack of structural efficiency in the body. This technique can also be used on the rest of the body and extremities, but was originally used on the cranium and sacrum, hence its name.
The osteopathic cranio-sacral approach is a way of working with the body’s own natural mechanism for releasing and re-balancing tensions, without force, which is appropriate for babies as their cranial bones are still to fully form and are likely to need the tensions adjusted having had the trauma of being squeezed through a tight canal. Older children and adults who have not had this treatment before could benefit because any unbalanced tensions along the cranio-sacral region will have an effect on the structures below whether it is a gradual long term problem like malocclusion of the jaw bones or on/off short term headaches etc.
Osteopathy will also help with colic and other specific common baby issues but its main purpose is to get the whole of the patient to a “position” of health.
Not all pregnancy problems are suitable for osteopathic treatment and in this case osteopaths will refer patient to the appropriate medical professional even if it is back to their own GP. They will always ensure all their patients, young and old, seek the appropriate medical advice and treatment alongside their own osteopathic techniques.

So if you feel this is something for you or would like to enquire more about what osteopaths can help with, please do not hesitate to get in-touch with us, the team at: The Parkview Clinic, Woodhatch, Reigate.

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Hypnotherapy for weight-loss in Reigate Surrey.

Hypnotherapy for weight-loss in Reigate Surrey.

Often I get asked how hypnotherapy can help? One of the great things the hypnotherapy tools can bring about, is changing our thinking, and therefore our behaviour. Especially powerful for reaching and maintaining a healthy weight, and size. And ultimately build a positive relationship with food, and our bodies. Fad diets tend not be healthy, or easy to sustain long-term.

Our aim at Inspiring Minds Hypnotherapy, is to bring about a healthy lifestyle change, that slowly but surely helps shed pounds, and keep them off. Hence you do not feel deprived or guilty. The new pattern honours ourselves, and our bodies, and help in feeling at our best.

Here is some inspiration from a lady I saw, who kindly shared her story. Some inspiration on how hypnotherapy can help you with weight-loss.

” I approached Leila for hypnotherapy to help me get fit and reach a healthy weight. My self-esteem was low and my body felt like a burden. Leila’s way of working is to talk through your feelings and help you find the answers by yourself – she doesn’t tell you what to do but helps support you as you realise what steps you can take to help yourself. So we compiled a list a practical steps I could do to stop snacking, to understand why I was over-eating and how to control my appetite using good foods, and how to plan my exercise routine so I would be able to keep it up and not make excuses to avoid it. Then Leila talked me through a relaxation, a delightful gentle process which feels a little like dreaming, a deep and focused state of mind where your breathing is so calm and your mind is open to her words.

During the relaxation Leila planted positive phrases which we had chatted about just moments before. I felt these were like little seeds – when you come back to the room and “wake up” these ideas are fresh in your mind and continue to be there for days afterwards. These positive seeds grow into stronger habits and helped me make good decisions. whenever I am struggling I can recall them automatically for support. One of these ideas was called an anchor: by touching my thumb and forefinger together I activate this “anchor” to give myself a rush of positive energy and happiness. It really works – I use it when I’m about to give up during running or cycling or stressing out in everyday situations – it’s almost like a magic spell! All hypnosis is actually self-hypnosis and you are making the changes by yourself – it is not about giving control away to your therapist but actually taking control of your own thoughts and habits. I have achieved my goal of making exercise from a chore into a regular pleasure and I now enjoy and respect my body with all its imperfections. ” Gabi, Banstead

Leila Gardiner
www.inspiringminds.biz
07775 425 301

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Where’s that royal baby? Is Kate Middleton overdue? Can the next heir to the throne really be overdue??”

Where’s that royal baby? Is Kate Middleton overdue? Can the next heir to the British throne really be overdue??”

As it has become public knowledge that Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge is doing HypnoBirthing. This will have educated the Royal couple Prince William, and Duchess of Cambridge, that the window for birth is in fact that. Most babies are not born at 40 weeks gestation. Depending on what statistics you read , the “due/guess” date is only true of 5% of babies. 95 % of babies are not born on their “Estimated Due Date.” The window for normal pregnancy is 37 to 42 weeks for most.

In fact, in France, they calculate the due date by starting 2 weeks from the first day of the woman’s last menstrual cycle and then count 9 months. So 2 weeks until conception and 39 weeks of pregnancy – resulting in 41 weeks of Pregnancy.

In keeping with the Inspiring Birth Mission …..the following poem is an answer to those who ask… if Kate Middleton Duchess of Cambridge , and all Mums to be, feeling the heat .. Have you had the baby yet??! when will the baby arrive?! Have you felt any twinges?!!

Share this with all who ask these questions…

” .. We’re just fine…..
My baby’s not a library book,
so he/she’s not overdue.
My baby doesn’t over-cook,
coz he/she’s not veggie stew.
My baby’s not an elephant,
and I’m not fit to burst.
The time and date aren’t relevant,
we’re blessed with days, not cursed.
My baby can’t read dates as yet,
because he/she’s very new.
So there’s no cause to fuss and fret,
if he/she don’t come on cue.
So stop your worry,
stop your asking,
there’s no hurry
we’re relaxing
in this golden pregnant time,
this pause, which is just his/hers and mine.
You leave us be, we are just fine .. ”

Every best wish!

Final note, the next Heir to throne is not Overdue or late, just keeping you in suspense!

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Transition to motherhood by Alison Hopkins (Alison Hopkins Counselling)

Dear new mums and mums-to-be,

The transition to motherhood is a significant time for you with loads of different emotions and high expectations.

In a society preoccupied with how best to bring up a child, it is good to find a balance between what is best for your baby and what is best for you as a mum. It’s likely you’ll be exhausted as well as stressed so it is really important you fit in some time for yourself. Also, don’t forget your new baby will feel even more vulnerable and confused than you are.

Learn to ask for the support you need on a regular basis without feeling a failure. You will realise that other people are happy to help and pleased you asked. You need time to rest and recharge your batteries. Spending short periods of time away from your baby can make you a better parent and your baby will learn to be confident with others.

For first-time parents, three new relationships will be formed like a triangle: mother-baby, father-baby and mother-father. There is bound to be an impact on you and your partner’s relationship so it’s important to be prepared. It’s normal to lose track when you’re in the flurry of new parenthood. Therefore it is essential you find time out together just to be yourselves, not parents, so no baby talk. It’s good for your relationship and consequently good for your baby.

On the subject of relationships, part of this transition may include re-visiting your own relationship with your mother after giving birth. Often this can result in changes in the relationship such as bringing mother and daughter closer together. However if the relationship gets stirred up in a less positive way for whatever reason, counselling can be very supportive and effective in helping to make sense of what is happening.

As a new mum your expectations of motherhood may not match reality. You know how to succeed in your job and you are probably used to having high expectations at work. When our children are the centre of our world it is easy to have high expectations. But they have their own emotions and characteristics and they will be different to yours, so by allowing yourself to have high expectations you may be adding to your stressful feelings.

The physical and emotional upheaval of caring for a baby is bound to have an impact, for example ‘baby blues’ – feeling low when you think you ought to be really happy. This is often a sign that you need some space to come to terms with being a mother and normally only lasts a few days but you will need support as you go through this time.

However if these feelings become worse and last for several weeks or more, you may be suffering from postnatal depression. Talk to your health visitor or GP about how you are feeling. The sooner it is diagnosed, the better the chance of a good recovery.

It is important to get to know other mums with babies the same age as yours as it is reassuring to be with others who are going through this incredible but sometimes lonely experience. There are plenty of baby and toddler groups in the East Surrey area and they are a great place to meet mums with children your child’s age, and your child can make new friends too. Have a look at the following websites for further details:

www.netmums.com, www.thefamilygrapevine.co.uk, www.nct.org.uk

Finally, in Dr Christiane Northrup’s book Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom, she recommends that each of us mothers must learn to mother ourselves. She believes that self-sacrifice is not a healthy path to motherhood even though we’ve been taught to do so for generations. So the best gift you can give yourself and those around you is the gift of caring for yourself during this unique transition.

With best wishes
Alison

P.S. If you have anything on your mind that you would like to talk through with me in a confidential and non-judgemental setting, please visit www.alisonhopkins.co.uk.

Alison Hopkins
Dip.Counselling MBACP
Alison Hopkins Counselling
www.alisonhopkins.co.uk
07946 517967

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